CHRISTMAS IS COMING - Part Two

For those of you who don't think I'm a total Grinch stay with me on this one, because today we're going to talk about totally useless gifts. And maybe, some gifts you might want to go with that are "untraditional". Here's some gifts I think are absurd at best, and "whacko" at worst:

1) PJ's for women that sport Tweetie Bird, Winnie the Pooh, Tinkerbell, Kelloggs Apple Jacks, or Thumper. Or any other Disney creature. Mickey Mouse a few years ago was bad enough...now we're supposed to entice our man with the message that we're entering our second childhood with Tweetie Bird? Puleeze...*he'll* be the one getting a headache...

2) Slippers. For anyone in your family. At any age, even if it's Great-great Aunt Elspeth in the Nursing Home. She's lived that long, she deserves a pound of Kickass Donkey Coffee and lunch out with you at her favourite restaurant. Be kind.

3) A curling iron, blow dryer, iron, toaster, toaster oven, kettle that turns itself off, coffeemaker for 24, foot sauna, make-up mirror with three light display, or electric ladies razor set. Am I getting my point across here?

4)Camping gear, air hockey games for the family room, drum sets, trampoline, and a portable ice making machine.

5) A cell phone for your elderly mother because you worry about her highway driving - but you don't buy her the monthly service. Now, that's just miserly! And why does she need a cell phone that takes pictures anyway?

6) Any robotic dog, cat, puppy, etc. that does anything, anything at all. Do - not - buy - it. You - will - lose - your - mind.

7) A "2 chicken/rooster", "2 rabbits", "2 goats", "cow", or "donkey" out of the World Vision catalogue. We support 2 World Vision children and 1 Compassion child, have for years. We believe strongly in this program. But please don't send your money there and call it a gift to me. It's a gift to them. And I appreciate you supporting them. Tell you what, I'll send them 2 goats, and still take you out for Christmas lunch, ok?

Cool Christmas Gifts:

1) The iRobot Roomba robot vac. If you want to give your wife an appliance, this one'll light up her eyes! It won't bother you to run it around a few rooms either.

2) For him: the sexiest lingerie you can find with the biggest red bow on top. Why buy him tools? He doesn't use them anyway. THIS he can use! And don't stop there, adult shops have feathers, love dust, and games for even the most shy among us.

3) Microsoft Webcam with Live call button. Better than any beauty appliance you were thinking of getting her.

4) Not just for your techno-teens, the nexXtech 512MB MP3 Player that fits in the palm of your hand; comes in black, orange and lime green (my personal favourite). And for teen stocking stuffers, JVC has Gumy headphones in black, silver, lime, and orange to match for only $15.

5) So your husband won't yell at you on your next vacation trip - a no-subscription-fees GPS Garmin in-car unit, loaded with Canada and US maps. Full colour, and anti-glare for easy reading. How cool is that?

6)Anything out of the Zeke's or People's Jewellers Catalogue. Diamond's truly are a girl's best friend. My husband bought me a ruby and diamond ring to celebrate the year 2000 and I haven't taken it off since.

7) Old, old, photographs of past family members, letters, or diaries. War medals, scrapbooks, etc. that you don't know what to do with and want a home for - because I'm a writer and I'll do the research to put it all together into a family history. What a wonderful present that would be!

8) A magazine subscription to Writer's Digest, The Atlantic, Time, Macleans, National Geographic, The New Yorker, Ellery Queen, The Beaver, Creative Memories Scrapbooker. I'd remember you every time it came in the mail.

9) A home-made book of coupons with all my favourite activities on them, that you HATE to do; eg. "one day at your favourite craft fair with $50 to spend", "one day at the local dog show", "one day Christmas shopping without whining", "good for one foot massage", "good for winning one argument", etc. Get creative people, you can make it last all year and be giving each other a coupon a week!

Happy weekend Christmas shopping!