1) No, I'm NOT giving you a gift receipt so you can exchange it for something you'll like better for the same amount of money. THIS is what I spent my time thinking about, deciding on, schlepping the malls for, and THIS is what I decided you'd love. SO, I hope you love it. Merry Christmas!
2) No, I'm NOT giving your adorable 12 yr-old-who's-an-incredibly-off-the-charts-genius a $100 present when I can't afford to give my own 14 yr-old a $100 present. She'll have to be grateful for what she gets from me in the family gift exchange.
3) No, I'm NOT giving your wonderful ..... (fill in the blanks) child a $50 gift certificate to ...... (fill in the blanks) because he prefers to pick out his own gifts. When I was 15, I learned that it was important to appreciate what others gave me when I opened a present and to thank them for it...maybe it would be nice if you gave your son the same learning experience. I'm just saying?
4) PLEASE don't ask my for my "Christmas Wish List" again this year. I know you won't buy anything on it, and I'll just be disappointed. I know I'll love whatever you give me, so let's not play the charade, ok?
5) When I tell you I'm a size large in sweaters, tops, cardigans, tank tops, loungewear, PJ's, camisoles, pants, etc. that means a size LARGE. Buying me a size medium, or god forbid, a size XL is only going to make me cry Christmas morning when I pull out that gorgeous cashmere sweater that I can't return because you bought it in New York last July.
6) When I tell you my taste in clothes lean towards Old Navy and Marks Work Wearhouse for "everyday", please don't buy me stuff from Holt Renfrew or Harringtons to "brighten up" my look. The only one who'll see it is my dog who lies beside my desk while I write in my basement.
7) PLEASE do not give my special needs daughter any more colouring/sticker books/markers/glitter pens/or feather craft kits. She's into make-up, nailpolish, boys, and MuchMusic videos now, and while that may offend you (lol) she's "delayed", not dead.
8) The same goes for my special needs son. He doesn't need anymore Bionicle sets, Legos, wooden boats, or SpongeBob stuff. If it's not Spiderman or some other Superhero, it'd better be something to do with XBox. And oh yes, he'll beat you, no matter what game it is. :)
9) PLEASE do not REGIFT me with any of your leftover gifts. If you want to find a home for something - give it to Goodwill, a homeless person, or the nearest Women's Shelter. There's nothing more uncouth, rude, or disgusting than receiving a Christmas gift from someone who says, "I got this from so-and-so and it didn't suit me so I thought of YOU. Merry Christmas!"
I know that many of you just haven't had the courage to say these things. Now I have!
And any of you out there who are guilty of visiting these sins on your family, think again! You are not a popular person at Christmas time!